So the other day I was sitting and thinking about the things that this New Year will hold, nothing that interesting in that really, I’m convinced that people the world over have had that exact same thought over the last week.
This year will have lots of happy moments in it including the wedding of 2 really good friends, it has the excitement and challenge of speaking at another summer camp, and I’m sure that along the way there will also be the challenges that thankfully we don’t see coming. And this is the bit that caught my attention.
Looking over the last few years with the things that have happened, changing jobs, finding flats, renting our house, people we know and love having to watch good friends get seriously ill – and miraculously recover – while others don’t and pass away... If I’d have known everything that was going to happen ahead of time – would it have really helped? Would I have been able to actually get on with my life, or would everyday been spent waiting for the bad things to happen?
Quite a few years ago now, I was talking about God’s plan and the wisdom of Him not telling us everything we want to know, but the bits we need to know - someone commented that when you drive from home to London, do your headlights shine from your house to London? No, they only show the bit of the road you need to think about at the moment. God is gracious enough to only let us see what we need to.
Now the problem is that as good as this sounds, it doesn’t ‘fit’ me. I am someone who looks ahead; I am the kind of person that is constantly thinking about 6 weeks’ time, or a year’s time. I set myself goals (yes, sometimes they are unrealistic), “this time next month I want to have achieved X, Y and Z” – (starting with A, B and C...).
Goals are great, and are really useful, if we didn’t have list’s I don’t think I would be able to function! However, are we ‘guilty’ (and I use that word carefully) of setting ourselves up to fail. Do we give ourselves such high expectations that we could never live up to them? This, possibly for the first time in this way, hit home hard this year.
So this year – alongside God52 (if you’ve not heard about it yet check out http://god52.wordpress.com/ - a brilliant way to make sure that the resolutions become a revolution in our own lives) I will not be setting a New Years resolution. I am releasing myself of unrealistic goals. I will be stopping more and asking if where I am going is the right direction. I will be setting myself free of being ready to fail. In short, this year I will try and see myself through God’s eyes, not my own.
Where I see failure - He sees someone who tries
Where I see work to be done – He sees a chance to work together
Where I see goals and expectations – He sees opportunities to say yes – and no
Where I get tired – He gives the grace and mercy to see the day through
Where I see a sinner – He sees a child for whom He sent a saviour
And above all, where I feel lost like a little child and don’t know where to turn, He, the awesome creator of the universe, who breathes stars and planets into existence, chooses to step down from His throne, and allows me to call Him friend and father.
This year I want to ensure that even when I mess up - and I will - that come running back into His arms.
This year I want him to direct my paths and make His ways known
This year I want to grow deeper in relationship with Him.
This year, I choose, to be His
This year, I choose, to be His