So, a year on...

So, a year ago today, I had handed in my notice at school, I'd had an email from a friend who told me about a job...  and there began the conversation that God had been holding ready for me for what, to me, had felt like an eternity.

It’s not how I thought it was going to be. Nope, when I decided to hand in my notice (I was a full time class teacher in a school) we (Daniel and I) knew it was the right time, but we didn’t know what for. We were preparing ourselves for some months of doing the odd bit of supply teaching, and stacking shelves somewhere if necessary…

It had been a tough few years – I knew I was being called into full time Christian ministry – of the youth work variety – but I wasn’t there yet. It was agony, I wanted it desperately, my whole life was about getting there – kind of missed the point hadn’t I?!

My ‘quest’ for youth work had become bigger than my ‘quest’ for the one who was calling me into it… it was less about God and more about the work, I had to surrender myself to the fact that even if I never did full time Christian youth work – that that would be OK, because I would still have Jesus – and He is enough.

Surrender is a tricky thing. And it wasn’t and isn’t and never will be a onetime deal. It’s not a supernatural zap that takes all the desires and hopes and dreams away. I still wanted it badly. But I had to ask myself if I wanted it to the point where it was compromising my relationship with the loving Heavenly Father who was the one who had planted the seed of vision in my heart 10 or so years before…? The answer was no, and so surrender was the only path forward.

The journey through my last year in teaching was immense… God was showing me over and over again of the stuff I needed to lay down and let go of before I was able to move forward.

So after a years’ worth of surrendering daily to God’s will, God’s plan and God’s timing – I finally get the hint and surrender my job and my security into His hands. Not the easiest thing to explain to people when the economy was so dodgy and there weren’t really any jobs out there - but then that’s the point of being in God’s hands, quite often it’s not the easy option, it’s the safest.

Literally within hours of me letting go, God stepped in. God sends emails – did you know that? Well, maybe He uses other people to actually click the send button, but this email was definitely from God.

Within about 15 hours of me submitting my letter of resignation the details of a job landed in my inbox… with 2 days left to apply – the organised, planning, (control freak) part of me panicked… which lead to a few crazy emails back and forth – my application form and information was submitted (not the best work I’d ever done) and the rest, as they say is history.

If you had shown me the details of the job with loads of time to apply, I possibly wouldn’t have given it a second glance. And yet – here we are after a year of hearing about the job, and I believe I have the best job in the world!

It wasn’t the job I dreamt about (before!) but it is the job that God had ordained for me, chosen for me, sculpted for me, dreamed for me – and boy, am I glad that God knows best!!!

Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t live in some fantasy world, I’ve not re-discovered Eden, every job, no matter how perfect, has its frustrations. Currently I’ve been suffering death by rotas.

But the things I’ve learned through this whole process have changed my life. It’s not rocket science, but then, the lessons we learn best from God rarely are.

I’ve learned that the Bible is completely and totally right when it describes God’s ways as perfect and higher than ours – and the sooner I had learned that, the easier it would have been. His dream job for me, and my dream job for me at one point looked very different. I'm glad He's better at this than me.

I’ve learned that God doesn’t waste anything; He is able to use everything in anything – as long as we offer it to Him to be used for His purposes. Over that last year I've been able to use experiences and skills which I had given up for lost to support others, to encourage others and to build people up.

And above all, I’ve learnt that God is never done with us. God is constantly shaping us, moulding us, creating us, just like the potter at the wheel in Jeremiah 18. God is continually changing us to be more like the person he wants us to be. Our job is to remain soft and mouldable. The problem is, when we become hard and brittle and unmovable, God still needs to shape us and change us, it just takes Him longer and it hurts more…

So, may we be squidgy lumps of clay, able to be formed, changed and moulded by the Potter’s gracious, patient, loving hands. And may we know the comfort and peace and assurance that comes from knowing Jesus is enough.

Here’s to another year adventuring with God!